Airplanes


Ok! so the morning begins thus! I’m out by 5.30am trying to be a colleague’s Damsel in shinning satin gown (that is of cause if such exists), I waddle through water and try to dodge a endless maze of potholes while a very persistent trailer with blinding head lamps stays on my trail forcing me to act a bit like bond girl (don’t ask).

So I’m at the airport striving to get a ticket (not mine) and all of a sudden I feel a light brush on my behind, hmmmmn, I ignored that and moved my fanny closer towards the counter, yet again I feel the brush and I’m pondering if its what I think it is, but this seemed like a distraction because in my all too brief stance of day dreaming I had being flushed completely off the line. I concentrate and try to get the attention of a mousy looking lady, who for all the wrong reasons thinks she’s on the runway, guess that’s what they put in the head of air hostesses these days *shrugs* and yet again a brush on my fanny and this time I turn around and smack the arm of the guy behind me and at once took in his grey tailored suit, white crisp shirt, freakled face and thick igbo accent.

He flinchs and says “what was that for madam?”, I could smell the lie off his thick unkissable lips and I say “this is not about what was that for because if you lay a single finger on me again I will ask that my men give you a whooping”, obviously he was confused, too much grammar I did say.

This of cause should all be laid at the feet of our leaders who in our so-called 50years of independence cannot have a functional and well spaced ticketing area, and you also have just two attendants to about 25 people while some men-in-black “wannabes” stand behind them feeling like they just came out of a GQ magazine, if they probably assist the two weary looking attendants I won’t have my fanny being brushed cause God knows what next I might be hit by. The Local Airport does need a complete makeover, the air-conditioning is out and there is absolutely no ventilation to douse the ever consistent smell of sweat ridden bodies.

And so I don’t lay it all at their feet I also need to look at major reason for my early morning struggle (my boss), who isn’t here yet and was already 20 minutes behind flight schedule. While trying to beep her I get hit yet again on my fanny this time by a trolley and the guy goes on a tirade of apologies and I thank God I’m well padded to have taken the hit, that won’t bruise easily.

I suddenly see her running down in green and gold suit while the protocol officers runs throw the congestion with her luggage, *sighs* finally the Head Nigger In Charge comes in.

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